Leo
by emily
For my thirteenth birthday I went to see Titanic and completely lost my shit. I cried pretty hard. Saw it four more times in the theater, etc. This was the beginning of my obsessive period. I was really into Leo. My friend sent me a link to one of the photos in this post the other day and it kind of brought it all back.
The year I was thirteen was pretty intense. Not only did Titanic come out, but Princess Diana and Mother Theresa died in rapid succession and for some reason I took the deaths of these two overseas celebrities particularly hard. In retrospect, all of this could most likely be boiled down to hormonal shifts in my chubby little pubescent body, but at the time I just thought this was WHO I WAS. WHO I HAD ALWAYS BEEN. NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME. And nobody did, because I was insane.
All of those gross hormones pumping through my Cheez-It addled brain in 1998 manifested themselves most significantly in my obsession with Leonardo DiCaprio. I saw Titanic and then I proceeded to spend many a night in the family room at my mother’s house, printing out pictures on our color printer of Leonardo DiCaprio from the internet. The internet was still young so much of my time was spent waiting for the pictures to download to the screen. I went through a color ink cartridge in about two weeks. When the images printed, I would carefully cut out the pictures and tape them into a Five Star five-subject notebook. Those are pretty expensive, so, you know, classy.
All of this came rushing back to me when my friend sent me this image, which I then realized that I had seen before. It was in my notebook. My Leo notebook. Oh and I also wrote erotic Titanic “fan fiction” in which Leo ravaged me on some kind of boat deck, ugh, gross. Ugh!
I turned a corner one day, it was like the faucet of hormones was just shut off, and I threw the whole notebook in the garbage and didn’t think about Leo so much anymore. This probably corresponded with the time when he started going off the rails a bit, made some shitty movies and started getting snippy with reporters. I think I mainly liked the look of him when I was thirteen because he looked like a lesbian and penises are scary to a young girl. Kind of like the kids these days and their Justin Beiber. Circle of life, you guys.
please post some of this fanfiction pleeeeeeeeaaaase
Glad I could inspire such a memory with Leo and a Swan!!! b/c this picture exists in the world, and why shouldn’t it?
You should try to find that fan fiction. It could be the next 50 shades of gray?!
I was really upset about Diana, too. I felt I had this sort of bond with her – divorced, cute son named William. What I didn’t have was a rich, exotic boyfriend and a huge sapphire to pass down to my son’s wife.
You’re seriously telling me that Leo posing with a swan is why we never had fucking printer ink Emily?! Seriously?
yeah! What the…?
Hahah…I basically did the same thing . I printed pictures off the internet, collected movie posters and teen magazine pictures of Leo, David Boreanez, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. I affixed them to my wall so I could stare longingly at 1000 faces starring back at me. When that room ran out on the wall…I started a file folder of faces. Once, I made a bar of neutrogena soap with leo’s face inside. Leo, if you are out there- I’m sorry I was such a creeper.
Uhh, tell me about it. Except it was some serious Hanson fanfic. I busted it out a few months and read it aloud to a friend. Considering posting on blog for ultimate embarrassment.