Emily Kaye Lazzaro

Billy and I drove down to Florida last week.  It takes like 24 hours so after awhile we had to do something to entertain ourselves.  Maybe you guys want to do these things, too, I don’t know, do whatever you want, I don’t know your life.  But these things worked for us.

Delirious Road Trip Games

1. Talk Like Fruits And Vegetables.  This is just exactly what it sounds like.

Asparagus: (Sounds like PeeWee Herman) I’m asparagus!  I’m a springtime vegetable!  I make your pee smell weird!  Try putting me in a pasta salad!

Apple: (Sounds like a drunk Eugene Mirman, just screaming) HALLO.  I’M AN APPLE.

Strawberry: (High, weak voice) I’m a strawberry.  Pleased to meet you.  Oh none for me, thank you.  I’m not that into food.  Just never really liked eating that much.  Thank you, I’ve always thought I had a pleasing complexion, that’s so sweet.

et cetera…

2. Sing This Song With As Many Different Sounds as Possible:

Options include: “ba da ba da ba da ba ba ba da ba. ba da ba da ba da ba ba ba da ba.” or “lee lee lee lee loo loo loo loo loo. lee lee lee lee lee lee loo loo loo loo loo.” as well as the more creative “squee bee ba doo doo dee ski ski ski skoo skoo.” or “fart fart fart fart fart fart poo poo poo poo poo.”

3. Which Of Our Friends Would We Want To Be On A Desert Island With.

This game spiraled away from us rather quickly because Billy thought we should bring the resourceful friends, the ones who can build a lean-to and make coconut radios, but I thought we should think long term and bring other couples so that we could procreate and live on the island forever in a kind of communal utopia.  But then we were like “okay so we’ll have babies and we’ll need like two other couples to have babies and then the babies have babies with each other, but I think they’d all end up related pretty quickly and that would get confusing…” and then our brains exploded and we had to give up.

Maybe you guys can play these games, too!  Next time you’re on a long road trip!  Just kidding, these games are absurd, no one would play these games unless they were completely desperate.  Oh I forgot one of the games!

4. Who Can Make The Best Animal Sounds

Me:  HA.  HA.  HAR.
Billy:  Wow, that’s a good dog bark!
Me:  Right?

Ugh.  I’m glad that road trip is over.

In other news, due to popular demand, I’m creating a way for you guys to commission embroideries from me.  Send me an email to eklazzaro@gmail.com and tell me what you want.  It’s not free, but I’m not sure what it will cost.  The cost will be determined by me based on a number of factors including size, level of difficulty, how I’m feeling that week, cost of postage, how much I like you, etc.  So send me some requests and we’ll see how this goes!

Oh, and I’m on Twitter now, follow me if you want, I don’t care.  @EmilyKayeLa