An Open Letter To Nate Berkus

by emily

Dear Nate Berkus,

Hey girrrrrl.  Ugh, okay, I feel bad that I started that way.  I got excited and I defaulted to the gay-guy-straight-girl-best-friendship stereotype.  And that’s not fair.  That’s not what this is about.  Although if you are in the market for a best friend I am currently available (screw you, current best friends!).  This is not about how I’m sexually attracted to you in the same way that a nine-year-old girl might think she’s sexually attracted to Kermit the frog.  This is not about how great your hair is, though it is great.  Exceptional, really.  How are you able to pull off longish hair and not make it look like you just stepped out of the 90′s?  You are a hair hero.

This is about how great your show makes me feel.  It’s all bright white and jewel tones and muted neutrals with accent colors and your audience is so diverse and enthusiastic and everybody is having such a great time!  And you even seem like you’re having a great time! How do you always seem like you’re having such a great time?  Aren’t you ever tired or grumpy?  When I go to the gym in the 10am to 11am hour and the Women Only section of the gym is not showing Nate Berkus on the TVs above the treadmills I get, like, seriously furious.  THE TODAY SHOW?  Nobody wants that.  It’s the worst hour of the Today show anyway.  It’s not even the Kathie Lee and Hoda hour.  WHAT IS THE POINT?

Anyway, I think your show is great.  You do segments about saving money on groceries and about how to wear clothes that don’t make your hips look huge, and I know that sounds like a weird daytime TV cliche, but it’s working!  It’s working.  I really like that you decorate with stuff from Goodwill.  And I like that you talk about decorating in the context of creating a space that feels like home.  And this is what this letter is really about.  Can you redo my kitchen?  I mean, you probably won’t because my husband isn’t deployed in Afghanistan, I don’t have a terminal disease, and we haven’t really overcome any great hurdles in our lives (Student loan debt? Maybe that can count?) but I just thought I’d throw it out there.

If you can’t redo my kitchen, would you be willing to give my husband some pointers on how to wear a vest?  That would also be great.

Okay, hon, love you so much, talk to you soon!

Emily