Emily Kaye Lazzaro

I spend a great deal of time trying not to fart.

I have to go to a lot of different grocery stores. Trader Joe’s has the cheapest peanut butter and bread, but Whole Foods has the best produce, and Shaw’s has the Triscuits. There must be a better way.

Braided pig tails are a great way to hide dirty hair, if you don’t mind looking like Phoebe from Friends circa 1997.

When you watch cable news you might think that people who want to vote for the other party are insane or dumb, but they aren’t. They’re just on a different team. You can still be friends with them.

This American Life is the best thing to listen to on a treadmill, hands down.

Speaking of, I ran a 5K on the treadmill this morning in 30:05, a personal best. Take that, seventh grade gym teacher!

Is there any way that a normal human can eat spaghetti with red sauce and not get it on her person?

My friend Meghan was once surprised to learn that a regular-sized hummus container was not a single serving. I can relate. If I go a day without hummus it is a sad day indeed.

Related: even though you stop eating dairy and meat, you might still fart if you eat an entire can of beans in one day. Full circle, you guys.